Nothing. (The summation of This)
My memory is a little hazy when it comes to the question ‘what came first, me being engaged or her being a photographer’. But I am undeniably to blame for this avenue as I – the enabler – bought this photographer her first DSLR, in retrospect I should’ve bought her a kitten.
I know that sounds negative and unsupportive but I don’t mean it like that. Well, I don’t think I do at least.
You see although you have to house train a kitten, pay vet fees, acknowledge that furniture will be destroyed and most importantly toes left abandoned from outside the duvet will be attacked; a kitten does not need to be upgraded 6 months after purchase, nor does a kitten require dedicated storage with redundancy (that is until cats inevitably rise up against humans) nor constant hardware and software upgrades.
Assuming that you know not who I am, by trade I reside within the IT sector which firstly makes me one of the few IT geeks that has a fiancee (well done me) and secondly it makes me first line, second line and third line tech support. But the difference is that I can’t tell her to reboot the machine and call back if he problem isn’t resolved and then head out for lunch….
And this is how I wound up providing remote support for a software installation whilst I’m in Peru and the troublesome laptop is still a UK resident!! Thankfully she thinks I’m an IT ninja as I got it all working with a cheeky workaround, and like all IT geeks I have no issue helping when I know how to solve the problem as with most similar minded folk I’ve experienced and had to resolve most problems before.
But like most IT geeks I dread the day when I can’t fix random problem of the day, because when that day comes and the ‘super IT geek’ bubble irreversibly bursts and I become no use to her photography passion at all.
I fear this will be the day I lose her to photography for good. Unless I accidentally break her equipment and get her a kitten that is…. 😉
Her website (also annoyingly nicer than mine) www.amandaforman,co.uk
i sit / am sat here in Peru drafting this log post old school, and by that I mean by the lost art of ink to paper.
This impromptu ‘pen on paper’ action has laughably caused two problems so far, I am currently conflicted with regard to what grammatical tense to use and two I can’t read my own writing as I drafted this yesterday and I’m now typing it up on my iPad. This Is – I think youll agree -pretty tragic as I’m only a few words in….
But anyway. On with this particular train of thought.
This entire post is firstly inspired by a BBC post (link) with the same title and secondly a consciousness that needs distracting from boredom by the pool.
So why am I writing? I guess I can not fathom this (IMHO) unhealthy obsession with wanting to communicate with your prior-self and provide titbits of future wisdom (FYI. During the initial paper draft I got cramp at this point #ridicolous).
I admit that some of the choices That i have made in my life so far have been ‘questionable’ at best, I guess if ranked on a scale of 0a – 9c (0-9 being bad to good. A-C being something you’d tell your mates about to some thing you’d tell a loved one) then I’ve made choices throughout the spectrum.
I suppose what may put me in a slightly unique position is that I’ve always evaluated my dessisions before action, however I guess I’m more of a cat when it comes to curiosity and ergo will grab a known poor decission with both hands just to see the outcome. Fortuitously I haven’t been killed yet.
My previous fumbles and tumbles, my lack of academic interest, the aforementioned curiosity, my transient lifestyle and my umbrella netizen outlook on existences all mean that I – like most -have enough material for an autobiography that if passed back to my former self would act the perfect indepth guide on ‘how not to live your / my life’.
I have lot friends due to pointless arguments, I have lost friends to ‘better people’, I have lot friends for ‘better people’. Lol. I have lost friends for ‘worse but more interesting people’ and I have lost friends to illness and physics. I have also made stupid career choices, financial decisions and generic life choices. All which would be avoided if the book was passed back.
However. I have also made friends, experienced all types of emotions and became myself because of all of the above. So I am left pondering how much must a person must dislike themselves to give a younger self future wisdom and ergo destroy the present self completely? I find the overarching notion puzzling with wise I am my bad decisions, just as much as I am the good.
I suppose it is possible that – like a lot of times – I am merely overthinking things as (a) it’s just a BBC filler artical that started this, and (B) it isn’t currently (leaving room for the unknowns possible to interact with a prior-self.
I guess my main ‘issue’ is with promoting this futile hypertheical ponderment. As it only creates a negative introspection and which in my odd mind is no different to company’s advertising beauty products by undermining the confidence of anyone who will listen.
So. If you’ve made it this far (in life and through this post, then congratulations), don’t waste your time pondering it. Grasp you ‘life lessons’ by all means, BUT improve your further choices, don’t consider that hypertheical what-if.
Life is too short.
So sod off, acept yourself for who you are now and djt wish that you were a more polished version of yourself. Every choice made retrospectively good or bad has made you You.